Who I Am Right Now
8:51 p.m. - 2005-04-02
Life has been such a struggle lately, mostly due to my own selfish concerns. It seems as though I don't ever know where to go or what to do from one day to the next. Alot of times, for some reason it seems as though I don't really want to know.
My family life is so hard to live right now. Emotions are extremely mixed up when it comes to them. It's as though I cry because I miss them dearly but at the same time I also don't want to be around them because I know what will happen. More and more each day I see myself turning into my father. Of course I love my dad with my whole heart and I appreciate everything he has done for me, but I don't want to be like him. I don't want his trait of being emotionally unstable and taking it out on the people that are loved the most. Although that is the last thing I have wanted all my life, it is exactly what I catch myself doing each and every time I am around my mom and little brother. Also, my parents have alot of issues that seriously need to be worked out between the two of them. Even though I don't live in their household anymore, I still seem to be caught right in the middle of the problems that seem to be ongoing right now. This is so hard for me to deal with and it's even harder because it's not my place to talk about this with anyone.
School is going alright right now. Although I have no motivation to ever go to class, I am making myself. I know that I can't afford to let myself slide like I did last semester.
I'm not allowing God to be a part of my life right now. I didn't go to a single mass during Holy Week, not even Easter Sunday. I don't go to any of our campus ministry activities anymore and my prayer life is not existant. I know I can't make excuses for this, but I am angry with God. I went to a convent for a retreat a couple of weeks ago and my life has been thrown for a loop. I have no idea where to go or what to do and I can't stand being stuck in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, like I said, I can't make excuses so I won't. All I can say is that I am not putting God anywhere in my life.
I go back to work on Tuesday after taking off for the entire month of march. I needed a break and now I believe I am ready to go back.
School finishes April 29th. I can't wait for that day to arrive.
Anyway, that's all for now. I hope that I will continue to update, because I really miss everyone. Love you all and take care.
Love,
Jamie
miss these?
I Think I Might Be Back - 2005-07-09
Who I Am Right Now - 2005-04-02
Me 19? - 2005-03-29
You Guys! - 2005-03-29
Nothing - 2005-03-26