I Think I Might Be Back
11:57 p.m. - 2005-07-09
I think I might be back into writing down my thoughts. So much has happened since I stopped writing and lately I have kept everything in because talking about it didn't seem to really work out for me.
So, I have been on summer vacation since the first day of May and I have only been home to see family a total of four whole days. Why I haven't gone home more often, I still am not quite sure. Controversy to the extreme has occurred during previous home visits and I guess I just don't want to deal with that anymore.
My Godfather is a newly diagnosed cancer patient. He has tumors in his throat, stomach, and possibly his brain. The only thing doctors can do is radiation because all of the tumors are inoperable. His daughter who is my first cousin called me because she needed to talk about it with someone and all I did was sit there. I didn't know what to say, and I still have no idea what I am suppose to do. I am so afraid that one day my family will drive all the way here to pick me up so we can go to his funeral. I feel helpless and all I can do is keep all of my feelings inside of me.
I start my sophomore year of college in a little over a month and I am already stressing and crying over it. I just don't want to screw up.
I recently lost my best friend and I have no idea why. One day she just stopped talking to me, stopped calling me, and stopped coming over. I've tried to ask her about it but it never seems to be a success. I know she has some things going on in her life, but I use to be the one she confided in. Oh well, I just miss her a whole lot.
I haven't had anything to do with God since the beginning of March and I think it is finally starting to affect me. I know I am missing something in life, I feel so alone and I know what I need to do, but I am just not sure I can do it. I'm making it more complicated in my mind than it needs to be, but I am basically afraid to try and go back.
Wow I sound pitiful. I need to do something with my life. Ugh. There are so many things and so many people in my life that I miss and I just don't know how to go back. I'm such a coward right now.
Anyway, I'll be back soon I do believe.
Love,
Jamie
miss these?
I Think I Might Be Back - 2005-07-09
Who I Am Right Now - 2005-04-02
Me 19? - 2005-03-29
You Guys! - 2005-03-29
Nothing - 2005-03-26